People
prefer to live according to games without frontiers rather than to accept
truth. I

could
observe it for a long period of time with professional bandits being in or out
of the

governments
list. In fact there is a list organized by the same people which ask me for

support.
It is something sick and sad.

The
world is filled with extreme severity, to change this reality takes many of the

superimpositions
on which people are devoted and this irrationality leads the same

world
of people into a misrepresentation of the social intercourse, then the wars,
some

small,
some huge, tough the events are real as the misery in human relations. Envy is

accepted
and adored, the examples are too many, look at the top of everything related to

consume
even in books and you will understand why society tends to put people

indoors.
One musician David Byrne said that Poetry was on the streets, it is easy

because
he never skin himself alive to save people from the actual state of societies
and

their
behavior. My role is to explain at the same time that I must save myself from
this

sick
fever that my naked intuition that acts worldly like a boomerang. I can feel
it.

To
calculate and to organize the things as manners of many decals of a certain
anxiety

which
lead me to think about the rush of the necessary changes as chances to obtain a

release
so similar into what Jews went through. Is difficult to attend beauty in this
way,

I
can recall my former relations and drink from their best while the late night
bath was a

way
to induce me into more thinking. It is thinking that commands my life. It is
one

friendly
command as it seduces the work of many people´s anxieties and in this way I

can
understand on how and by a proper method I can regain the calm which had went

into
the body as engine of reason. Once I wrote about instinct and reason and I can

related
them into the facts that my father went through in Mozambique when he could

not
see the enemy. If the talking is right then the results are also good. Meaning
the

understanding
of the ego nudity in the realm of its movement and by the activity on the

conscious
rational and on the sub conscious level; the equilibrium on the deepest form

61

when
men and women are deep, honest, gentle is the gain for the future. To
understand

the
anger on each of us despite the civilization threads is important.

What
I had learned from this day, was that all the former notes had a reason to be

written
and I also understood how Subtilitis can be endorsed as the role of an author.

Sexuality
is far as the love as well while the fascists occupy their seats and the people

clap
like bozos with no plankton because it is gone, I can collect my health, the
wolf

eyes
up on every mountain and leaving another dream for tomorrow.

I
have prosthesis but I don´t use her because in this way no girl will like me
though I

seek
and believe that there must be a woman on which I can love on its full length
and I

will
seek till the end of my existence and not like a character of a movie but as a
real

person.

I
used to smoke one cigarette every week at my high school, I felt great, I was
seated at

one
rectangular stone, the perception of the world was pure, and maybe someone had

felt
her, since I had one nymph from one street that surrounds the lyceum as one

unknown
figure from the same street friend of a fake friend called Alexandra Parrado

that
like Carlos Parreira, both were never in touch with my realm with continuity.

Loyalty
seems to be erased in the name of the immediate fucks and economy.

I
am feeling good things from the world, small but huge as living examples of
moral

beauty.
While the mean try to attack each day, resistance holds with a reckless

determination,
justice will be done with the necessary courage and resistance against the

Ming
and the Yo-Yo people, always up and down especially when you’re happy to

show
your joiedevivre; at this stage they want everything and the opposite they

disregard
with great cruelty as beasts they are.

I
wonder why the book, ´Fury on Earth´ by Myron Sharaf is out of the archives of

http://www.archive.org.

San
Tiago cliff is one of the most inspiring places on which I have been and felt,
with

people
and alone. There was a road from there into Escurquela, once I and my father

crossed
this road on a green Mercedes with a goat on the backseat. It was a hot day.

Sometimes
I have to be cautious like San Tiago and take a rest from all the flying

Dutchmen
and the swindlers of the station where the station stopped like in Viseu, a

land
of fascists.

My
tribute to Mr. Curt Bois a refined gentleman who taught into Cassiel what is the
role

of
the narrator of humankind, so solemn and humble. I remember how a senior got
rid

of
3 skinheads inside a train. I personally change from carriage to carriage by
instinct.

Also
14 years ago I could point my penis into the driver head toward the future on
the

way
to Sintra. I made a thunder operation in the year of 1991 or 1992 into Queluz.

62

Eliza
was the lover of my Grand-Father, she had worked for Mr. Orlando Ferreira and

his
wife Mrs Maria Teresa and she is been so bad treated by his relatives at Rua
General

Taborda,
number 15, second floor. I know her house, she a kind woman. The Dalmatian

called
Egas which I used to walk with Raquel died.

Raquel
is one distant cousin that I had love. We use to play in full joy. I miss her.
The

last
time I saw her, she was in her room. She has delicate eyes and manners, elegant
and

beautiful.
For years I thought of her. There were more children on which we all played

together
in happiness. Marco fell in the tank of my Great-Uncle Miguel. Uncle Miguel

was
a beautiful man, he used to lie down on a long chair to relax and him and his
wife,

Mrs.
Cassilda used to drive a blue Wolskwagen into the Vila Real and everybody in

Lugar
da Coutada, especially the kids, my friends, were happy. Everybody looked with

astonished
to their departure. Magic times, of course the danger was immanent and the

pigs
came to stay. Once he pointed at us a riffle because we the kids were eating
the

Golden
kind of so many apples in his lands that were from my Grand Father. He felt

bad
once, he told to Mr. Avelino, our neighbor, the father of Marco and Cristina
(his

wife
is called Emília, a kind and good cooker, I have good memories of them, despite

what
had happened later with the European money; but the fact is that he died and

Cassilda
stayed alone sewing with the women from Coutada. In 1994, my Grand-

Mother
died. I remember the yellow car from their relatives. At the funeral of my

Grand-Mother
my aunt could not stand and stayed at Pedregal. Zé Duarte blessed, my

cousin
Amândio (which abused from me, to have land for cheap price to build a house),

at
the same time my cousin Fausto died after scorning at me in a good way. The
father

of
Zé Duarte was known as Couratas, he had a gun as well as Mr. Frias. My father
had a

Mouser,
so it was told me by him. Probably yes and he should and so should I.

I
brought my room from Tapados into Santo António da Caparica.

There
must be a living person in the world which whom I can make close contact. I am

in
love with a woman which has 200 years and having a good friend being a science

man
which died in 1957.

I
guess I still can hold the dawn like I did between 1991 and 1994 in here.

Cristina
Ventura Arias, wrote me as dedication of ´The Myth of Sisyphus´ by Albert

Camus,
the following:

Sísifo
estaba condenado a subir una montaña con una gran pedra, durante toda la

eternidad.
Es un mito, pero como todo mito tiene una parte de verdad a la que el hombre

está
condenado a combatir. Hay que combatir las coordenadas de Sísifo y hay que
dejar

de
esperar a Godot. Te dedico este libro, por seres buen guerrero.

Muchos
besos de tu amiga Cristina.

Madrid,
Junio 2010

63

Once
Alexander met Carlos Paião at the subway station of Roma in Lisbon, later he

died
in a car accident on the way to the North.

Alexander
was completely alone since around 1:30 am from Galicia till 4:45 am, in the

heart
of the Galician mountains where he could take care of big horses as good
friends

in
the year of 1997, April. When he arrived at a small village a good woman served
him

a
coffee, he ate chocolate and smoked Spanish cigarettes. He saw on TV, Saramago,
in

June
both met at Parque Eduardo VII.

Alex
saw a girl at Marquês de Pombal, she was brave kind, they looked at each other.

I
remember the prostitute which said that my penis was pretty. I had many
prostitute

friends,
one used to salute me when I was 12 on the way to my high school. She was

kind.
Later I met one that took me into Casal Ventoso which I knew from the frequent

visits
of Miguel Ângelo, with him I was not scared, later I went with Sara a bisexual

girlfriend
from Leiria.

I
guess I belong into the world. What can I do is got me big, black, yellow,
green as

blue
too.

Chapter
VIII

A
Growing Saying Before the Fall

64

I
could prove today into myself after about 17 hours that my poetical condition
is well.

Somehow
I am conspicuous since the beginning.

The
danger on today’s societies is not only the full extension of control, I will
lead this

thought
open into the reader.

My
mother used to call me, ´o miúdo da bica´.

I
have never had a hometown. I was doing things like doing love like a fool, I
guess I

am
inside new and old times as a glorified feature on my soul and probably I had

recaptured
my personal youth through consistent work all around and always inside as

far
as I can be.

Daniel
a German boy was using a hatchet, I was in stress, suddenly my aunt Leonor

called
on the edge of a racking feeling. We ate together, smoked together, then
another

German
boy which drove told me about him and aside me on the backseat, two young

German
boys were caressing their fingers with their guitars. I was looking to the

landscape,
I could see the sea. I am made of many rivers, once I got a phone call from

the
Nile.

Alexander,
I am wondering about eternity as if writing would be the right way.

In
June of 2008 at the front of Station de Francia in Barcelona, one woman in a

motorbike
had an accident, the paramedics appeared in less than 5 minutes. She was

bleeding,
I watched the medical procedures and then went for a walk where I found a

web
coffee, I met there one American cheater and one Australian cheater, both
women.

Again
the same existential exhaustion, it comes and goes like the will into
sexuality.

Last
night I fell asleep naked, some people had block me from masturbation.

It
is almost sunset, I saw them in so many places like they would be felt like my
post

box
in Tapados de Baixo where I have received one postcard from Ana Cristina.

So
many things happened since I met Bárbara, I see myself writing under the April

Skies,
under the April sun. Sometimes it rains when I am furious. The thunders in

Escurquela
that my father felt. He used to bath on the tank, I saw him once naked.

Alexander
used to wash himself near the fountain. All the interval of time from the

events
that took place were the irrational behavior of social envy and social fear,
either

by
individuals either by organized. Wilhelm Reich was right, he did not feared to
go

ahead
despite of Freud´s sense of guilt and fear. I had fear because I am involved in
so

many
things and they come like a boomerang and the vice versa effect.

A
judge and a psychiatrist were the last beautiful women on whom I had to face, I

wonder
what they are doing now. Wish to find my personal sand.

65

Alexander
likes risk, only this way he can feel the adrenaline inherent to his nature. He

used to go far to play football at every place, he played for 22 years in all positions. His

favorite
shirt had a question mark in green. His favorite chemise is grey, this chemise

follows
his adventures for more than 15 years. He needs a bonnet now.

Dona
Maria Helena, known to be the wife of the Judge liked cats, she challenged the

owner
of a garage bravely. She died at the phone. We were friends. She was similar to

Ingrid
Bergman.

Seldom
my infinite intelligence provides me many questions like the Leipzig emptiness

where
a Chinese female voice was inside me.

Sometimes
I wake myself and awake the gain of living as my generous sempiternal

feelings.
Today for example, 23 years later and again I proved into my philosophy

teacher
that I was right on the second discussion between both and that was about the

hermit
situation; a hermit can cure himself.

I
think that the sea smiles.

Museums
do smile they are the rejuvenation of time as virgins and children are.

I
guess I have to seek like I used to do with Isabel.

I
am emotional with my memories which are real, this is no movie. All my life I
had

fought
and when I think about my Polish teacher, I feel touched.

I
was and I am at the bottom of existence like being inside a woman, deeply at
the most

hidden
sensibility of the uterus. An endless rain came to pitch the sayings of my soul
as

if
Isabel Allende would be here.

I
could understand the danger from the differences that exist between me and the
crowd.

It
took me a cold temper to solve a small dilemma that has the meaning to enhance
and

to
diminish my strengths. The necessary comprehension of my personality in order
to

understand
this difference lies on my soul. You have to enter on me with in calm and

the
world around will be also calm.

Tarzan
Taborda lived in Fonte da Telha, he was a wrestler known to fought for a long

period
of time and the story tells that he could place 160 000 persons at one stadium
in

Saudi
Arabia. Later while he was getting old, he had challenged one young karate

fighter
and the former gave up on the duet.

66

I
saw a small lizard and a red sportive Opel, I like both. My bible has the image
of many

white
vehicles in Jerusalem. Luis Filipe Sebastião has the rare edition of
Baudelaire´s

book,
´Les Fleurs du Mal´ which I stole from my favorite library.

I
remember the hands of João Fonseca on the way of so many people´s lyceum, Maria

Amália
Vaz de Carvalho.

A
person with a certified idea on his mind let´s say, it has the ethic right to
present him

into
the world but he cannot by any other way, to impose it into the others.

Sometimes
and I speak from what I feel, the invisible emotional ties can block the good

advance
of the mind in action and her ideas. There are and it is visible the attacks
from

the
people which cannot fully understand the gender of truth in regard as it
matters this

free
discipline.

Guterres
once went into Belém do Pará and for who doesn´t know, there it rains every

day
at the same time, the people who were looking at him; they all went away when
the

rain
had come. Every year I have my especial soap from there. They are packed in

illustrated
paper with a certain sensibility when you open it and later you bath yourself

with
them. I remember the smell of Susana Cunha and from Margarita a little. I had
the

idea
in 1997 to go into Paris and take a sample of my semen because it was so

perfumed.
I met Lígia Soares in the first weekend of September of that year.

One
Husky was nervous because the dog was shy before he held a sled race and the

owner
could calm him.

I
phoned a friend and a similar feeling came like when I was listening Mozart. I
found

someone
to talk too while I don´t know someone that lies on my interests, her name is

above
the air. I could hear the voice of Pan Pawel Dambek, he used to make a gesture

on
the neck which I thought it meant to shave but it meant to drink.

I
had to write for the President of the United States because the actual
situation is

extremely
unfair and I add a few thoughts on my message, hoping that Mr. Obama will

think
of the mess Americans are doing it for 200 hundreds years. It was a tough day,
I

had
to bring a saying of more than 30 years into my mind while I was fighting the
local

atrocities
and even crying from so much lack of education around me since some years.

Alexander
could be quiet while these events were present. So the passing present must

learn
with the past in an organized way, in order to preserve the future while we are
able

to
think.

To
understand the boiling waters on the sand you and they have to claim your own
way

to
feel as what it can stand to enter the peace command.

I
was with great delight with children in a train and we had fun all together. I
don´t need

to
be in an organized place to play with children. I think they are sleeping now.

67

Dr.
Wilhelm Reich could and saying it again, the vision of the income of energy on

which
Emily Dickinson and me were and are involved, making from the splendor of our

poetry,
being indoors or from outdoors, pieces of extreme beauty. I feel the poetry in

my
fur closely similar in care with Emily´s fur. So who will come after the two of
us?

That
is the question on which I am involved while I write my thoughts.

Alexander
thinks of Jesus and why were both with prostitutes. Like Phil Collins would

say,
I don´t have all the answers, though I think that we had found a great
deception and

had
to kick the richness from all mother tongues with great irritation. While
Buddha

was
sleeping all the time; so the question is:

Do
people with vision can have a life with dignity?

It
seems difficult that after 200 centuries nothing has changed on this matter. I
can only

complain
and to preach in my poetical silence as a personal heat paraded in one place or

in
many places as art of living.

People
don´t devote much time to their interior and after billions of deaths leading
as

examples
to the world into nothing concrete than emptiness, I feel the same and Emily

was
wiser because she kept the quietness.

Moses
was 40 years in the desert, the bible states that he lived 800 hundred years
and I

think
it was possible because his people didn´t need to throw things into the land
but to

walk
upon the land until those people could see the light. Natural laws of existence
have

their
characteristics and if people on today´s societies can at least understand to
be

caressed
by this gentle shadow, then it is so much easier to hold and to handle all the

things
that can be admired as self satisfaction.

Alexander
had the will to find a dark brown woman with a brave spirit and a young boy

which
could by his own characteristics seek his legacy as a human. Alexander knows

that
he has the soul in the character as the defender of the world.

I
found in an image made by thoughts the mental exercise that was the
contemplation

condition.
I don´t know which energy led me into the Soito cliff but I went it in calm

and
had achieved calm. Till the compact bodies of hard people had came to destroy
the

magnificence
of this spontaneous beauty.

Some
people had released all the dogs but I was sorry to make them sad, I really I
am

not
afraid of dogs.

About
the saying well is hidden under the title above this chapter, you have to find
him.

I
know that my backyard is unseen by the love which I have since ever and where
no

man
or woman had felt what I had from there, neither wherever I was, since my
muscles

are
as agile as my thoughts.

Everyone

can

teach

something.

68

Now

the

bandits

arrived

into

Santo

António

da

Caparica,

it

is

4:41

a.m.

they

had

come

drunk

as

they

think

alcohol

is

food.

I

hate

them.

In

fact

the

world

is

heading

into

a

massive

destruction

and

there

is

nothing

I

can

do

about

it.

12
hours after I awoke, in the interval of this I could hear a woman screaming
with her

sexual
feelings and she inspired me to forgive into the world at least for the
necessary

time
for them to think about the mess it exists. They had scorn from many people who

tried
to make social changes, so the time is of great attention and care for the
things that

my
eyes attend on this matter.

Isabel
came to attend Alex´s thoughts while existence was handling with their daily

things,
some things were on his mind as the Soito cliff feeling.

There
is one truth and that is reality, on my case is a poetical reality taken as a
natural

love
sadly not understood.